Tending the Soul of a Marriage

We could find occasions to write letters to our mates, even though we live with them every day. The letter could be a simple, heartfelt expression of feeling; or it could take the form of a poem. Poetry doesn't have to be professional or even `good' in order to do the job of celebrating the marriage. It also offers an element of formality and thoughtfulness that is not at all removed from feeling. Yet another way is to take opportunities when they present themselves to praise and celebrate our partners, either expressing our feeling directly to them or to others. It's easy to overlook such opportunities and end up speaking only about the problems.

It is not surprising that in the New Testament the first miracle of Jesus is set at a wedding, in Cana. There Jesus transmutes water into wine, the flat necessity of life into the spirited, Dionysian, active substance of spirit. All marriages take place at Cana, for in all marriages the necessary raw material of life (water) is changed into a sparkling, tingling, inspiriting element of the soul (wine).

It is entirely appropriate that at weddings and at renewals of vows couples celebrate the union of their lives and the qualities of their souls with traditional prayers, poetry, wine, and ritual actions. Marriage is holy not only because it is a precious and revered way of forming human lives, but also because it is a form of religion in itself, a special way in which spirituality pours into life.

There's no need, of course, to think about myth, theology, and alchemy in order to live the miracle of marriage. One need only enter into it fully and tend its soul, of whatever kind and in whatever direction it leads, even into darkness. Marriage is by nature miraculous and magical. We do not understand it and cannot know where it is headed. To care for its soul, it is more important to honor its mystery than to try to outwit its intentions for what we, with our small minds, may think is a better outcome. .For all of us, of whatever religion or nonreligion, a marriage is a sacrament.